she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Holy sore nipples Batman
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
