his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
