I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
