Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
