after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
