i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
