Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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