Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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