Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
