I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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