Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
