dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize