i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
