He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
