I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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