The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
