I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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