I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
