im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize