he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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