Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
