Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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