then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
