At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
