Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
