pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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