I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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