can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
