Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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