I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Let's paint friendship bongs
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
