Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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