Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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