I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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