Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
