Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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