so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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