I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
