dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
