We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
