I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
