Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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