I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
