I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
