I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
