just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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