In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
