My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I smell like Dick and happiness
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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