Don't you send me to vm
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
