Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
