I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
