lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize